Closing Blog Post

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Two minds about closing this blog. Just occurred to me today that I’ve moved on from all the memories, pain, struggles, & of course the moments I’ve collected with every individual whom I crossed paths with. Some stayed around for years till now, some faded into a distant memory, some are perhaps lingering around to check in sometimes. Whatever it is, I realised that it has always been how I’ve lived – to collect moments, try everything (where possible) once at least. Then decide if that thing or person will stay around.

We make our decisions, walk certain paths which brings us to where we are today. Sometimes, I guess not everyone agrees with how we live, but life is ours to live however we deem fit. I have decided to take a gamble, to live life the way my heart is inspired by life. There are times when some things, and in some cases, some people will be let go. Not necessarily anyone’s fault or weakness, but just that there is no jive any longer to be intimately connected. Some people bring out the best versions of us, some people, unfortunately, seems to bring out the worst in us. I will connect widely enough, but only open up intimately to a select few. The select few who are not out to change my way of life, to persuade me to subscribe to theirs, who will not frown or gasp at my choices.

I will wander around, to look to connect with people along the way. Where there is affinity, we’ll hang out longer. Where there is a time / chemistry limit to our affinity, we’ll graciously chase our own journeys. I realise I am not afraid of being alone any longer. Perhaps, I have come to terms & working towards being on my own. Or perhaps, there are just more than a few persons who will come into my life at different seasons & connect deeply with me. Of course, I would love to love someone deeply for the rest of my days, without the legality of marriage. We’ll see… I’ll accept my lot in life & have lotsa fun in the midst of it.

I have uncontradicted much of the contradictions, and found that some contradictions cannot be uncontradicted in this lifetime, and best to be left on its own. I have moved on, moved past, and moving away to a new way of life. On my own terms.

Friends who have been following this blog, adieu.

Thirstday #68 / FWF: Still Humbled

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Today’s session of practical exam at a training for trainers truly surfaced an attitude I have been having – complacency, which has resulted in a major boo-boo in the overall flow in the session I was facilitating.

I was calm in receiving the feedback, but you kind of know when things have not just not gone well, but somewhat wrong, that I kinda missed the point. Because, it was a rookie mistake. A mistake that as a trainer for these many years, I should not be making, but today, I have allowed myself to slip once more.

Utterly humbled, reminded that no matter how “basic” the projects may be, due diligence in preparation is required. I have prepared but left my linkages & transitions to the wind – not preparing the debrief points thoroughly enough. Not rehearsing.

My mistake. Rookie mistake, as a non-rookie. I am embarrased. But definitely shaken enough to want to adjust my attitude in taking anything “basic” lightly. To learn, to take instructions seriously & to respect advice.

Thank You, Lord, for this important reminder.

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Thirstdays #66: Learn

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Started on my mid-life learning journey, that back-to-school feeling is really good! Have always enjoyed learning, especially when I know it will be highly applicable quite immediately in work / life. Am thankful for being with an employer who puts emphasis on its people bettering & expanding themselves.

This sponsored course has intrigued me much, helping me see possible doors of opportunity, especially for retirement. Funny, you may think, not even 40 year-old & already planning for retirement. This is the reality of singleness & being somewhat the sole breadwinner of the household. Just made me realise with dependents, there is even more need for self-care, in order for longevity, in caring for others.

But yes, am excited at the prospects of continuing my academic endeavours. Indeed, the interactions & networking opens up my eyes to see much more practical hope for the future…

Selah…

31 Thirstdays #311014: Leave

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Some call it coincidence, I know it as prophetic. The last day of my journey in this month of seeking healing, it has become increasingly clear. The word for me about the past, is to leave what is in the past, in the past.

I’ve grinded the issues, analysed the knots to death, retrekked the paths so many times, the grass has given way to an actual pavement of dried mud. I know what there is to know, and also come to realise that till Heaven, where everything is perfect, I will have some points along the journey where I will remember the pain, the disappointments, the rejections, the losses.

Yet, I have come to experience for myself over October, that the heart feels less pain, gradually, no matter how long. Abba, truly, made my heart all better.

So I am leaving behind the pain, the hurts, the disappointments. Laying them down, letting them slide back to the past where they belong.

That I may move forward, with a lightened load of the present, in anticipation of the future, which is looking a lot more hopeful, cos Abba has gone before me.

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31 Thirstdays #291014: Re-habiting

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Learnt from reading some self-leadership topic about energy & time management, that knowing & tapping on the various energy zones over the day will be wise application of ourselves. I tend to agree with these 2 concepts.

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Observing myself, realised that part of moving from depression or negative-loops, is to engage my mind in something constructive – learning, research, knowledge. Not the inspirational stuff I realise – at least not too much.

Let me explain, I am all for inspiration, prayer & the spiritual. Soul-nourishment is an abso important aspect of life. However, in my journey, I realise that there is also a time for everything. I will pray, seek strength for Abba during the waking moments & on Sabbaths. And balance up with other aspects of life, and of course critical thinking. I used to access the spiritual portion of life, perhaps to an extreme sense, so now, like a pendulum, it seeks to find an optimal swinging rhythm.

So I find myself engaging myself in the morning, in self-leadership, better-ing myself, learning, expanding knowledge. Empowering myself with productive thoughts, set the day on the right note for a good day at what I do.

Energy levels have also been better-managed, and a good rhythm is forming, thoughts are productive & energizing, and for increasingly, hope for future is returning.

I know You are leading my steps with Your wisdom, I acknowledge that. It is up to my decision to steward my life well, as You add to me & my family. I know You are not done with me yet!

…. Plans to prosper you… Hope & a future… – God.

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