31 Thirstdays #141014: Tacit

During the healing process, one of the things I find helpful to do is to chat with kindred spirits in the same journey. Somehow, often, many insights into root issues seems to be surfaced, just by the back-&-forth mirroring of things.

I was discussing the process of clarifications & resolution of a condition of thought with a friend, how he has sought help from clinical psychiatrists. Went for some counselling sessions & I can see quite a fair bit of improvement in his ability to manage that particular issue, which has rendered him breathless at times, reeling from being stuck in the spiral.

It set me thinking about my seeking healing from the various things melded together. I was thinking this morning about the attributing of blame & responsibility, reasonably, to people involved, including myself. I have a tendency to take a lot of blame for occurrences / failures, but learning more, to see clearly the responsibility I need to take & the difference between self-inflicted hurt & hurt inflicted by others.

Been brought up, by religious leaders, in always taking responsibility for my own decisions, no matter how much “encouragement” / grooming / priming those un authority has done. At the end of the day, volition is mine, and therefore, I have to take full responsibility for my decisions, especially when bad consequences comes about. I recently, and increasingly recognise, that those in authority has responsibility over the decisions made, due to the strong suggestions given, and the trust given to them by me, when I am brought to a place of trust in their “hearing from the Almighty”.

Nah… Not on a witch hunt, but wanting to see things in a clearer perspective. And glad I am relegating portions of the eventual “blame” reasonably, in order for me to see things clearly & forgive myself where neccessary. And yes, forgiving others, even though no apologies are given, or they may never see their part of the blame.

With the semi-effective healing that has taken place so far in healing services, prayers, etc, am needing to seek an alternative perspective. A, grateful for the “feel-better” sessions, but I don’t seem to be able to practically walk out of it properly, for long-term.

Needing practical handles, the day-to-day management. Cos perhaps, the miraculous breakthrough is not coming for me. Perhaps, my journey is that of the step-by-step, tacit, experiential & grating.

But I know I just need to keep walking, I’ll get there… Somehow.

 

31 Thirstdays

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