Today is my first full day without my Sony Xperia Z1, which has been my constant companion over the past roller coaster 10 months of my life. Quite an apt description really – roller coaster. I had my euphoric highs, and below earth lows. But I also notice that every single encounter has left a lesson or two, sometimes painfully etched into my heart. I have grown stronger, wiser, perhaps a tad more sceptical about life.
That being said, I also realise that I still want to approach life & people I meet with sincerity & as much trust as they have proven themselves to be worthy of. I am probably not a difficult one to gain trust from, which can be detrimental for my heart, I realise. I have a tendency to just want to throw all caution to the wind & just trust with reckless abandon. However, the world can be a dangerous place to do that, unfortunately. Therefore, some wisdom is necessary, probably with a lot of discernment, led by intuition, hopefully sanctified by the Holy Spirit. It is my most uncomfortable state – to not be able to relate with simple & bare-your-heart type of trust in people. However, perhaps it is for longevity of my sincere heart. I will trust, when someone warrants that trust, carefully, increasingly, slowly. But I will get there.
I am told my phone will be getting a hard reset – where memories will be wiped out, totally. I will get back a factory default set, where I will have to reload the phone numbers, contacts, wallpaper, settings, etc. As I look back at the past months of the roller coaster ride, I think it might be a good thing. At least at this level to “erase” some memories, burn some bridges, undo some knots. To give me a clean slate per se, to re-start the rest of my life with.
Perhaps the Almighty is giving me another new page – blank, untainted, pure. A state which I wonder if I want to get back to – as I much appreciate the wisdom that I have acquired over the last year or so. Perhaps it is a real experience of what it means to be as “gentle as doves, yet shrewd as serpents”.
Pure motives, wise heart. Don’t try to figure it out.