Kinda felt sometimes like ladies who share prematurely about their pregnancies, and later suffer miscarriages during the 1st trimester. For sure this is an unfair comparison, in terms of emotional pain of losing a child, but somehow, it feels that way currently. Life aborted somewhat.
Another curveball, out of nowhere, which I cannot make sense of. Another closure perhaps, forced upon me again. Forced Closure #4 this year. Anymore coming, oh Almighty? That I may prepare my heart for lol… I’m truly, truly, truly, unsure what I even can
hope, trust, simply ask for, in life anymore.
Perhaps Love 301 is this: “People disappear on you, so just get on with life.” Or I know! “You are strong enough for another bewildering myseterious disappearance act! You’ll learn something at the end of it, just be patient…”
Ok, let’s try this: just make me disappear? Lol… I’m sure this wouldn’t be granted as well… Oh I forgot, I probably am uneligible for requests for pretty much my whole life I guess…. Perhaps, an expectation of being denied of good stuff is more realistic for me as of current, so that I don’t have to go through these upheavals… Another “promise” denied… *weak laughter*
Absurd, totally bewildering life… I have no words left to speak… Trying very hard to find the humour in all of this, but it’s really hard to see it now…