Thirstday #50: Fearless

Realize over this trip, I have many fears. Fears usually are formed due to past bad experiences.

One is that of falling down while mounting a full bike. This is due to the test ride mount that I tried on day of travel. Basically, made me panic after & refused to mount the right way, where my legs can be properly extended for peddle efficiency. Unless there is a curb where I can prop myself onto the saddle without mounting. This cost me greatly, I know, cos my knees hurt after a while & I got really tired quite quickly into the ride. Practice will make perfect in due time.

Then with the pending “chat” with a friend when I get home, I have been kinda kept hanging over the last 2 weeks of my trip, cos he insists this needs to be discussed face-to-face. And then, he went AWOL pretty much over days, till I initiated contact, to check on him, to ensure he was well.

Well, the last time someone walled up & didn’t communicate over a period of time, everything changed when we finally met up after a 3-month silence. Same ill feeling of foreboding of the end result. Maybe cos the experience is so similar: no free communications, needed prodding to get a few words out of him, the familiar sense of insecurity & sick-in-stomach feel I can’t shake, though I try to psyche myself positive.

Maybe I am stressed @ the prospect of returning home after a nice long break. Maybe it’s the feel that things might change – unsure if for better – once I fly into home air-space. This insecurity of things to come, which may not be within my control to make things better.
Yet, God is not welcomed in the picture cos He has never made things better so far. I’d like to think I have made certain choices to get out of the religious, naive rut. And I am what I am today, cos I worked hard to transform myself. Maybe in the broad sense of well-being, and overall protection, I am grateful for His help. Other than that, I gladly take credit.

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