Heart: Trustworthy Enough?


Honestly, when I looked at this quote & thought about my own post on instagram today, I realised I’ve sorta misplaced my heart, somewhere along the way, because I don’t fancy what my heart has to offer. My experiences with my heart has been painful, tearful, nothing short of being too emotional for my liking.

A well-meaning friend encouraged me to let my heart be unlocked, take some risks to feel for & try to love someone. I wonder to myself if I can trust my heart in that arena. It seems to have been weaker in love, than most other aspects in life. Perhaps, I have not really learnt to love, even after all these years of teaching about love. Lol… Or maybe it is in the process of shriveling up, cos as per all muscles, when I don’t exercise the love muscle, it starts to shrivel up. Love pretty much seems to equate pain for me up till now. Maybe it’s an illusive thing for me: to be loved & love someone for a whole lifetime.

I do still tear, when I hear about girls being enslaved, injustices, and unimaginable pain of people going through the really tough stuff in life. Watching “Shawshank Redemption”, watching the elderly convict regaining his freedom after spending most of his life in prison – supposed to be a good thing. But he eventually killed himself, because it was too scary for him to bear out there, in the totally unfamiliar world, where he feels the sense of being lost, fish out of water…

I will do the most adventurous stuff – touring on bike solo all over the world, discover cultures, relate with strangers & listen to their woes, etc. But, just leave my heart at rest about love, I should be quite at peace with myself… I think…

Or should I just be brave & give it a shot when a suitable one comes along? Scares me half to death really… When I think about the heartaches involved, the powerless feel of being out of control, of “can’t help it”, I cringe, and prefer to just settle in my protective armour…


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