The year so far has seen a few firsts in my repertoire of experiences. Gonna add a few more in due time. So far, observing myself kinda metamorphasising, it has been intriguing. This journey of trying to let my true desires, my true self emerge more fully. Perhaps much of myself has given way to expectations of an organised way of life. Sacrifices, letting go of rights, taking on perspectives which is contradicting to my desires most of the time “cos it’s meant to be obedient”. I notice in the end, am left emptied, on my own, fending for myself per se.
A recent decision to go contradictory to all the beliefs I have held throughout my youth, even counselled people out of it, believing I have saved them from further heartaches. Personally, I am looking at this decision as an evidence of how compartmentalised our beings can be. I let go of the “potential” that I’ve been talked into believing – will get there as long as I persevere, and keep sacrificing. I am saying “No” to extreme lifestyle decisions, to sacrifices & lop-sided life with little attention to those who are important to me – my family. No longer keen, to seek the next world, when there’s much to offer in the current one.
I will, continue to seek the One who made me. From a different perspective, understanding Him from a different angle. I will keep to what’s right for people around me, what sits well with my conscience, what is acceptable to my soul. High calling? No, thank you very much. Had enough. Served enough for a few lifetimes now, really.
True to myself, true to those who are important to me, true to the One who created me.