Had a recent visit to a couple of helpers of broken hearts & broken lives. And should I add: crushed spirits. When this was mentioned in a healing seminar I had attended a couple of months ago, it invoked silent tears. A crushed spirit I had.
I was a tad skeptical really, when the appointment was finally made for me to have the session. I was even considering not going as a headache was bugging me the whole morning. Eventually, as the day wore on, my headache disappeared & I decided to bite the bullet & just did it. Even at the session, one decision was made to be as open as I can remember – to share as much as I am able to, fill in the details of the critical situations. It was then I realised I had been carrying stuff from as young as 10 year-old.
Skipping the details of the events shared. A collective 6 pages of notes later, key areas were identified to be covered in subsequent sessions. Some of which I did not even think affected me anymore, but has unknowingly formed a pattern in my life, making me go in circles.
However, one thing shared with me made me swallow hard. I, supposedly, had a strong & clear calling in my life. Abba has His hands upon me. That thought, made me feel loved, because He has never stopped woo-ing me. At the same time, it made me gulp. Because I was ready to retire into a mundane, basic, simple humanly life. Just existing, enjoy the little pleasures, usual tough stuff, but no longer the dramatic & intense burdens / testings / tough-to-bear contradictions to accept & bear.
I do not know what holds in the path ahead. Yet, I want to go through with the sessions. A deep cry to break all roots, dissipate the cloud over my head, free the spirit woman in me. I accept all that has happened, forgive everyone involved, ready to move on.
Get me un-stuck first, Abba. Then I will consider Your calling. A bold negotiation, but I want to be cleansed up & recharged fully, before I can love again. 3 years, I will rest. After which, You can help me lead others to rest….