A little late in posting this, but well, inspirations sometimes comes late in our timing, but always on time in His eyes.
So here I am, feeling rather… Let’s just call the emotion “Errmmm…”. Can’t put words to it, at least not definitely. Been a while since I’ve found myself standing still for this long continuously. Just standing there, not moving forward, nor backwards.
That’s at least the instructions of the Almighty to me at this point anyways. To just stand. To not ask, but to just receive. To just inch forward when am directed to, but in essence, am not to make any drastic / desperate decisions. Not that I am wanting changes, just feeling “Errmmm…”, not really able to pinpoint the exact cause, just a myriad of stuff – past, present, future – running through my head.
So much that I have had to shut down my heart, to pause engaging too deeply with anyone for now, other than my family. Emotionally just unable to even engage in joy with anyone properly.
And so I choose silence, to prevent myself from offending / creating tensions. Will keep cordial for now. Will keep a distance. Will not engage my heart for now. Cos am at a loss at this “Errmmm….” Mode, this in-between times, this… Transition perhaps, into a new mode of life, a new perspective.
Am told to wait. So I will. Will try, though tough-going, to climb this mountain with my arms wide open, to trust that You will make something beautiful out of me.