Thirstday #32: Need a “Yes” Please

I wonder about the no. of major “no’s” so far in my life – perhaps that’s why I am now afraid to hope. Much less dream. As I dissect my identity, I am acutely aware that I am Abba’s daughter, and my dreams (things I want to do) & roles (things I currently do) has nothing to do with who I am at the core.

That aside, I do wonder if I am meant to be contented with my lot. It’s got nothing to do with any bad doctrines – that I am clearing it & have been clarifying through reading, listening & seeking answers with different wise mentors He puts in my life. Yet, I am also acutely aware that no one can give me a perfect answer. I will still need to analyse & allow the Divine Spirit to test the truth in those perspectives.

I mean, am I meant to remain where I am, not to be ambitious, not to dream, not to hope. What about the “give u a hope & future, to prosper you, not to harm you”? I have recently realised I have forgotten this verse slightly, which I used to be able to rattle off easily. I understand that prosperity might not necessarily mean only material prosperity. Yet, I am prosperous – roof over my head, clothes on my back, internet, more than 3 square meals, means of transport, etc. In effect, I do belong to perhaps the top 10% of the World, while others truly face poverty.

Is it then my contentment? Am I not content? Or perhaps I am envious? I am not one who chases for material wealth. But would like to provide for my family, if possible, bring them for a short holiday in a nearby land. It is not expected of me, but I would like to.

The question remains: in my experiences, I seem to be receiving too many “no’s” to sincere & healthy desires & dreams. So I do sometimes wonder, more frequently recently, how does the Rhema word of Jeremiah 29:11 apply to me & my family. Perhaps my portion is not to even do the “big” ask, not to hope, not to dream, but to drift with what life gives & what comes along. Perhaps.

To the extent that I have once-again started to shut off “Heavenly Declarations” I hear back from You, when I converse with You. Heartcry of “Don’t stir me to hope & dream again, if You’re going to let me drop flat again…”

My recent cry for a dream come true is my little niece/nephew to grow healthily to full-term, to grow up an intelligent & loving adult. That’s all I ask, for now, if I may receive a “Yes”. Need some real experiences in my life of Your providence. Show me real, Abba. My Jehovah Jireh. Help me hope & dream again.

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Pix: Heaven’s Trail, Ireland.

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