Recently, had a musing with a close friend about relationships & friendships. In effect, in both connections, I do have soulmates, at different intensities with different levels of commitment. One question that came up about whether or not I would consider a romance with a soulmate, if the heart strings stir.
Personally, perhaps due to the recent past experience of a great near-decade friendship becoming zilch overnight cos of a failed romance, it felt freaky to even imagine the possibility. It was a risk I guess, that if it doesn’t work out again, I could face the prospect of losing another close friend. And it could affect our mutual connections amongst our community. Well, from past experiences, some connections had to be forcefully severed, because of the failed romance.
Therefore when I am considering the possibilities of prospects, I wonder if I should just shut down the Department of Romance when relating to my current soulmates. Great mirrors, soundboards, confidantes. I could speak freely, knowing that they will totally accept me for who I am. No need for trying to impress. No need to explain myself, cos they know me superbly well. Even if we do not meet frequently, we could pick up our conversations, sometimes 6 months later, as if we just chatted yesterday. It felt like we were syncing up with each other when we interacted, building each other up, adding courage & expanding perspectives while we hung out. The hours were never sufficient for full syncs. Have to continue the syncs on another occasion.
It seems that once the Romance element kicks in, the texture of relationship changes. Tensions, expectations seems to intensify out of nowhere. My friends assure me I had a super hard nut to crack the last round, so I didn’t have to worry about the next one. He was weird, totally not ready for commitment. The next one will be different.
Yet, perhaps it will be my final hurdle, to finally be able to walk into another romance, baggage-free. To be convinced that it is possible to have a soulmate in romance for a lifetime, that it just takes another go @ love, another 100% go @ loving someone with my heart & soul, touched by the Divine wisdom.