Interesting that these 2 weeks, I’ve been offered 2 opportunities from 2 completely different writing groups to write about “Remember”. Am still spinning the story for the other one, though late by a week now, nonetheless, I have also sat on this over the weekend, thinking what to put down from my heart.
Having come through some tough periods in my life, especially over 2012, I remember vividly a whisper I mumbled to God weakly a decade ago after a stint away from home. I wanted to remember, the days spent in those years of my youth, in that special place, with fond memories of Him, His people & His power & grace at work in lives around me, as well as mine.
Actually, I never knew it as “post-field processing”, until after a few years being home, learning about re-entry for missionaries. By then, much has already been processed, and I remembered at one point, about 3 years upon returning home, while recounting my adventures overseas to another returning missionary, that I realised Abba has healed my memories.
Returning with some regrets, some unfinished business, some burdens, which unfortunately was beyond me at that time to work through or even resolve. Think it’s that end-of-the-rope place that the Bible talked about – where I really learnt to let go & let God. I couldn’t meddle or stir anymore, therefore, it was now entirely up to Him.
At moments, mostly unexpected, He brought me back to some painful situations, conversations, confusions. Had me look squarely at my heart & my disappointment / regret, and breathed a word of comfort / revelation / perspective / forgiveness / healing – whatever was needed for that marred moment. Then brought me through the journey He has taken me through thus far.
Most of all, He reminded me how He has carried me through, how He has walked before me, how He has mourned with me, how He has danced with me in the rain. How He has never left me alone, to fend for myself. How He has never taken His eyes off me.
And so I am in a place, where I am increasingly remembering, another painful chapter of life past, with the fonder parts of the memories, allowing Him to take me back to moments, where I may be restored & mended.
I want to remember how this beauty in me is made, through moments of His grace.
“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.” ― Elisabeth Kübler-Ross