Afraid stems from the unknown. I used to be fearless, then “taught” to fear cos of pain suffered through fearless spontaneity. Actually healthy caution is good & helpful, draws a boundary of protection from unwanted & unnecessary heartaches.
Over the years of dealing with fears, I also noticed this: the issue is usually exaggerated, over-sized, magnified. However, at the point of being afraid, it is all very real.
My fear of future has been ultra-magnified when I faced abandonment a year ago. Everything seemed impossible, nothing has any beginning, life is totally hopeless. I could only stand still, saw an infinite wall in front of me, stuck in a room with an unsight-able ceiling. Sometimes, all I could do was to ensure I kept inhaling & exhaling to ensure I stayed alive at least, lest I disappointed those who love me still. I “ensured” a lot because I wasn’t sure anymore…
1 year on, I recognised that becoming unafraid requires me only to do this: stop moving, and just let Abba unravel the layers of reasoning which is leading me deeper into the black hole of fear. Layer by layer compressed by the burden of fear, I allowed Him to take me back to each situation, each circumstance, each shock, each disappointment, each broken promise. I could take as long as I wanted to linger, to grief, to relinquish.
He waited, sat beside me while I sobbed. When I was ready, He took me on another journey, to see the possibilities when I am unafraid, fearless, full of hope.
I stood still, asked Him if it’s even possible to see beauty in my life again.
He just replied, “Come let Me show u.”
I hesitated, took a step forward & another, followed by another.
Suddenly, I stood right beside Him, when a few steps ago, He seemed so far away.
“Not that difficult to join Me here, right?”
I nodded & I saw colours begin to take over the shades of dark grey.
No longer afraid, I noticed. I could see colours in my future, possibilities in my path, hope for my dreams.
Light shone, Abba brought me around in a whirl, in a dance to music that only we could hear.
Only thing, I was dancing, standing on His feet.