Was having a late dinner with another girl-friend who is single and thoroughly available, just like yours truly. We muse about our desires to marry a Godly man, to have a few kids of our own to nurture and love. However, we have also come to a conclusion during the quick drive along the highway – want to live in the present and enjoy what we have at the moment, yet smiling at the possibilities of our desires actualising.
Cos much as we desire to be married, we also realise the tough reality of life and settling for an unsuitable man. Seen enough divorces in our generation. Sat beside friends who have had their hearts broken by betrayal of trust. Watched kids being torn in their hearts of having to choose to stay with 1 parent, leaving the other. Not wanting to go down that path for sure.
Truth to be told, I have my days where I do have my tank suddenly injected with the envy-virus. Just today, I woke up with this deep envy for another who has been blessed with one whom he can spend his life with. Sometimes, I do wonder when will I see the knight in shining armour arrive. Someone shares with me it might just be round the corner, once my heart is cleared of the situation-just-passed. I wonder. To have little me’s running around – perhaps another 2-3 years. But first, the knight’s eyes need to be illuminated. Heart-check: settled, 95% forgiven, surfacing final bits.
On most days, thankfully, I am thankful I am alive, healthy, kick-ass good-looking now. 😉 And I have no rush of getting out of my current state in life – singleness. It affords me much opportunities to explore the specifics that God has place on my heart. To set the foundation right for my next decade that I may be able to do what He desires for me, to love whomever He has given me (Ma, Pa, Sis, Bro-in-law, Bro, Aunties, Uncles, Cousins, friends, colleagues), to enjoy the moment. I have learnt not to regret the past, and to let Him have my future.
Just a moment ago, reminded of this conversation I had with Abba: I am enough – because I will bring in what is necessary that you will never lack, but always have enough. My heart is stilled.
Yes. To enjoy the moment, the now, the currently happening. Because it is deemed enough by the Almighty, for my heart & life, at the moment.
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. – Psalm 73:26
Portion: Strong’s 2506
cheleq: portion, tract, territory, reward.
Original Word: חֵ֫לֶק
Part of Speech: Noun Masculine