Interestingly, this journey on forgiveness has taken me to the most basic lesson I first learnt about Abba’s pardon of my sins. Forgiven. Clean slate. Loved. Call intact.
Am on the final leg of my journey I reckon. At least for the forgiveness part… I hope… lol… I know the Almighty’s on my case. One of those days that you know that He is just placing a finger to plug a leaking pipe, waiting for the owner to take notice & get it repaired.
Forgiveness, alas, to my “surprise”, is not complete till pardon is made known to the offending party. I remember having to reconcile a couple of kids. In teaching them to ensure conflicts are resolved quickly. They will sit down with me, then share their offences. One or both parties will need to say sorry, and of course, extend forgiveness. Finally, a hand-shake / hug to solidify the reconciliation. Sure. I can see that there are still ill feelings somewhat after the hug, but I brought them through a journey in relating on a clean slate.
Extending forgiveness, for me, should be a no-brainer. These few days, little things remind me of him, our days in the past, his promises made, stuff we planned to do together. Big time. Flood-stage I would say. Felt like an inundation of memories. Good ones I must say for some reason. Not that these memories are inspiring me to seek getting back with him. No way, Hosea! It is the way the Divine Spirit is making me feel ultra uncomfortable in trying to ignore the wound, to avoid the topic.
I am sulking to a certain extent. Why do I have to try to be ok when I am in the same environment with him? Why can’t I just leave this 10% to the healing balm called Time – which is said to be the all-rounded cure for even the deepest wounds? Is Time that powerful, really?
Another tough assignment for me. Cos I am one who is designed with a heart this soft – I can’t be in the same environment with someone whom I know something is amiss between us, and pretend all is well. Totally not my modus operandi. And I can’t, simply can’t ignore it when Abba illuminates an area of my heart which is tainted by stuff not of Him. Wish I could just ignore, pretend, act blur. I. Just. Can’t.
And so while I was sound-boarding with a couple of mates, it suddenly dawned on me… Or rather, should I say, “My thick skull finally cracked.” The pardon needs to be made known to the offender, for the forgiveness to be received & extended. Sigh… Tough. Caught in a rock & hard place. Totally no brainer. Really. No. Brainer.
That’s exactly how my every offence is forgiven.
- Always difficult to face Him after a sin.
- He takes the first step to come to me, always.
- He assures me that it is alright. I’m only human.
- Embraces me with His love.
- Relates with me on a clean slate. Offence left behind in the past.
No. Brainer. Really. That’s my lesson in this ordeal. 20+ years ago when I came to know my God, I was told that He forgives everything we’ve ever done, what we’re doing currently, and what we’ll ever do. He kids me not. I thought I have understood the forgiveness of God extended to me. Man oh man… Have I got an object lesson to learn about forgiveness.
I’m feeling a lot less constricted in my heart, having finally understood the reason for my restlessness. It’s 1.11am here on my side of the Globe. And I still can’t sleep except to jot this down. Lest I forget.
And so I embark on a journey of forgiveness – the way of Abba, not my way. Tangible forgiveness. Forgiveness verbalised. Forgiveness extended, that I may be healed fully. That the offender may live with the knowledge that we can now relate on a clean slate, once again. Whether he chooses to relate with a clean slate is his choice to make.
The requirement of Abba for me: responsive soft heart, which can only be kept this way, by responding to His purifying illuminations, following His lead.