Oh yeah… just reminded of this game I’m playing a few months ago: Traffic Jam. Where in order to progress, we sometimes need to move backwards first, in order to be able to move forward.
At the moment when I thought I’ve progressed much, I just seemed to reel back to seeming square-one. However, I realised as long as I keep myself afloat, I’ll walk out of it soon enough. In fact, the duration of the darkest hour seems to have shortened progressively.
It’s always the darkest just before the day dawneth. – Thomas Fuller, Theologian.
I noticed that in the darkest hour, I also took a step back into my heart to savour the view: how bad it had been for my heart, and how much I’ve progressed. *Pat pat on the back*
It also warrants me space to keep me sombre, and at the same time, see things from a macro view, afforded by the Almighty.
Sometimes, it is a view which the Almighty seems to be reminding me that I have been progressing miraculously. Sometimes, it is a leading back into the pain, in order for me to glean the deep truths & processes, which was covered from sight by the surmounting pain.
Call me crazy or masochistic, but also cos am getting stronger. I just refuse to waste the pain – I must glean & squeeze every single lesson dry. I know the pain & disappointment has brought me to another perspective of this category of pain. I see that eventually, these are stuff others can be blessed with as well – either as a pre-emptive measure or an aftermath healing balm.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4 NIV
3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort,4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.
And so at times, I will be led to take a step back, to savour the pain, the heartache. Not in deep anguish, but purposefully processing the healing process, that I may eventually share it with someone who needs it as well. In the stepping back, I have a better perspective of my heart, a wider view of my emotions, delving deeper that I may heal more completely.