Found myself in the middle of a barrage of arrows once more. Perhaps cos have made a conscious effort to make good my commitments in the Kingdom & also to Divine Dreams placed in my heart by Abba.
I read about some prose written, some skills-honing training forged in the fires of ministry. Well.. some call it a passing task done: retrieve past notes for someone else’s use. I think it was His fingers at work: ensuring I am reminded of my passions buried deep inside.
The heart seems massively cinged, by some unknown talons which are tightening by the day. As if to cause my heart to eventually go into shock & stop beating.
Pain which I thought I have managed to leave behind in beginning of April, is now gripping my heart once more. Loss of hope for the future – which I surprised myself by just wanting to get away from my home city, once my family obligations ends. To get away from everything here, to start life anew, somewhere totally unrelated to the memories which are still fresh like today’s dawn dew on the newly-bloomed geberra.
Last checked, I seemed to still be hoping this has been all a bad dream. And once I awake, all pain will be gone because it’s just been an elaborate testing of my faith in Abba. I still hold my breath when I am in areas of possible sightings of him. I still hurt from the wound.
Hasn’t it been enough days spent on this wound? 4 months and 1 week. Or to be exact, 129 days, has this pain been felt with need nearly every alternate pulsating of my heart.
What would U have of me now? For my heart to stop pulsating, that the ache might stop?
“Take refuge, when the arrows start to fly.”
Help me in my lack of trust, in Your strong hands which will supply.
Help me find that space where I can take a rest.
From the tempests of the heart, which leaves me short of breathe.
For to You, Abba, my Shelter, my Refuge, my Strong Tower.
I lay storms and questions, a gutted life, a heart writhing,
Trying not to cower…