A yearly heart pilgrimmage which brings me back to the act of love which my Saviour: The Crucifixion. Along the way, I started studying into the mechanics of the horrific death. And a few years ago, “The Passion” produced by Mel Gibson gave a lasting visual image of the actual hours from scourging to crucifixion. It was… nothing short of what has happened. And as I took in bravely the sight of my Jehovah’s excruciating suffering, my heart broke for his pain. At the same time, it has become a constant reminder of His love for me, and also the power that He has released to me, because of His death & life on the cross.
I can’t watch the 30 minutes of the lashes upon my Lover’s back, without my heart screaming “Why do You have to allow Yourself to go through this? Stop them! Stop them!” If I had my own space, I would probably find myself prostrate on the floor, unable to lift my face, constantly sobbing. The Cross, upon which my Saviour violently died, has become a place where I bring my broken and ripped-up heart to, to exchange for a brand new one. All because You have made it possible.
In my understanding, there is nothing impossible, simply because of what He has done on the cross. And it is also impossible to keep my heart hardened too long against offences, intentional or unintentional. Because I have also been forgiven massively.
Technically, I can keep harping on his mistake, his bad decision, his cowardice. And I can go on with pity parties, and slamming-him-parties with my sisters-in-arms. It is totally acceptable honestly. No one would blame me.
However, in face of the amazing acceptance of my less than perfect life, I have run out of reasons, to keep my heart hardened against him. I have a list, which I have run through systematically with Abba. Each one has been just answered by the same gentle yet firm response: “You have been forgiven, therefore extend forgiveness to another.” I have been forgiven much, in fact, that is also an understatement. And for those who have been forgiven much, they will in turn love much as well.
And therefore I decide to forgive, and agape a hurting soul. And in due time, the actualisation of the practics will work out by His paving the way. .
Every insult slammed at You became the lifting of my head, without shame.
Every scourge You endured became healing for my heart and mind.
Every nail pierced through Your limbs became freedom for every regret that pulls me down.
That when hope seems to elude me, and it seems impossible to live on.
I will find the strength to carry on.