These last 5 working days have been massively stressful yet invigorating. Having received good reviews and some rewards for my hard work has been satisfying for hard work put in to be a good team-player and also seeing a possible promotion in the pipeline in the near future.

And of course, intensive hanging-out with family over the last few days has been good as well. Where they’re seeing a more light-hearted version of me, after all these months of subdued & blank disposition.

Perhaps a shaking of my confidence in the Almighty, or a test to prove my heart, or maybe it was a week-long stress that suddenly decide to bubble up violently. Or maybe it’s the weakness of the body due to the womanly time.

An innocent update about the-man-who-walked-out acted like a needle prick on a bloated balloon. All the pain suddenly came rushing up to the surface again, with free-flowing tears in the dark speeding taxi. All right beside an unsuspecting colleague. And I was even able to maintain a normal conversation with her, while discreetly drying my tears in the dark. And I thought I’m already out of the woods…

3 hours: that’s how long the pain gripped me. The entire thing about how it is unfair, blah blah… bubbled over. Much deeply kept tears surfaced when I prayed for Abba to remind me that I am still a cherished woman. Yeap.. a very sore part which I will probably endeavour to research and write on.

And through the raging to a friend, something became clear to me.

Blessing from God: Joy> Pain.
True man of God: Cherish the woman given to him. 

Granted, pain will be there cos we’re imperfect human beings. But it shouldn’t be there for this long without resolution. And yes, I also see that there is this part where our commitment to each other doesn’t require me to hang on “till death do us part”. For such commitments, God grants a special grace for the tough stretches in the walk of a married couple.

I was contemplating on how much easier it is to be single. Where I can be in control of everything, including my heart. Ie. My heart will be fortified cos I will not allow anyone else in, dangerously. Oops.. fear of intimacy now?! Lol…

Then I also realised that the pain is only temporal. And it’s passed. It’s probably the pulling out of the final pieces of the thorns, which I’ve allowed to be entrenched this deep.

I still believe in love. Hahaaa… in response to the song Madonna sang, where she asked, “Do u believe in love?” And go on to instruct girls to not go for the second best, and put our love to the test.

Thus concludes my 1st 5 days of the 40 days of purging him completely out of my system.

Rainbows for a better man to come, where he knows how to properly cherish a woman of God.



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