FB Status Update:
Me: Where have you been all my life?
Handbag: What took you so long?
That had very quick comments from my friends from as far as Down-under, some even thought I had gotten a Chanel 2.55 as a proposal gift. lol..
Incidentally, that’s a pretty good idea, cos I’m not much of a diamond woman – a decision made after watching “Blood Diamond” some years ago.
I noticed my taste for the specific diamond shaped padded design. And I particularly liked structured bag. At first, Lady Dior (Christian Dior) caught my eyes, but something about that didn’t sit too well with me, though I must say I am impressed with the design, and of course the price-tag. Then I chanced upon a doctor acquaintance who carried an elegant bag – elegant and very subtle, and very diamond-shaped-padded-with-gold-clasp-and-gold-chain-handle! That bag screams my name all over!
I later found out, as aptly matched to a doctor’s salary, it was a hefty USD5000 Chanel Vintage 2.55 10″ (25 cm) flap bag. My jaw dropped, but there was also a virtual pat on my own back – I have taste of the expensive Indonesian woman. Well, 50% of my blood is Indonesian anyway.
(Pix 1: Kate Spade Gold Coast Leighton)
(Pix 2: Chanel Vintage 2.55 (Black & White) + Chanel Reissue 2.55 (Grey))
I then noticed another version created on the 50th anniversary of the 1st Chanel 2.55 (introduced Feb-1955, that’s why “2.55”). The Chanel Reissues 2.55. It was more my type of handle – all-chain! Beauty with subtle power.
That’s me. All beauty needs to be subtly presented, not the screamy type. That’s elegance for me. Perhaps it has to do with my partial Teochew pride – very dignified dialect group in my race. Treats people gently and cordially, expecting to be treated likewise as well. For me, chaos has never been my thing, increasingly so in the recent years of maturing elegantly.
This is perhaps the reason of thoughts this week, as I pondered if I have lost hope for the possibility of a marriage with a man whose heart is divinely-led. I have not lost hope in possibilities of another suitor. I am attractive, no doubt. And I know my character has blossomed over the years. I know I will make a pampering, divinely-touched girlfriend and eventually committed & supportive wife of the man & doting mother of the kiddies. Think my friends can vouch for me *wink wink!*
But I also do not want to go through the out-of-control chaos again. Never again. So it’s gotta be a home-run, the next round, D.V.
The time I have been taking to search and settle for a new handbag has been lengthy. My current handbag is about to give way. I have found something earlier in the beginning of the year, but decided to walk away and come back another day. I went back 3 more times to try on the bag, checking my reflection in the mirror over no less than 10 minutes per occasion. I still have not settled for the bag. Reasons ranged from “It looks tight around my underarm.” to “It is too thin for my stuff to fit.” to “It does not have that metal stud at the bottom of the bag.”
I never used to be this way. At least not noticeable by yours truly, just a few years ago, when I was starting on my 3rd decade. I noticed recently that I am putting off buying things which may have caught my eye, only to eventually come up with reasons not to purchase them. I might eventually not even purchase the Chanel I guess. Oh yeah.. it’s meant to be a gift, not to be purchased. 😛
In considering the prospective husband, I have taken a good 2 years to consider, and then an additional 3 more years to actually process through various aspects like:
- allowing another imperfect human being to have a say in my life (leadership).
- possibility of needing to consider his well-being more than my own sometimes (selflessness).
- accepting each of his flaws as part of the package (unconditional love).
- willingness to pull through things even when it gets tough (commitment).
- adjusting personal plans to suit plans of “us” (rights to personal plans).
Just to name a few really. One would probably need to read my 5 years worth of journals to fully understand the extent and intensity of the processing. Honestly, I am sometimes surprised at the depth of processing I actually went through, to persevere this long.
I shared with a mate this evening, as I have reflected these few days. That I think the possibility of me trusting another man and going through the depth of processing is actually quite slim. “Quite” is an understatement. Personally, currently I am finding it easier to consider singleness till JC makes His grand entrance for the 2nd time. Not many 5-year-windows left really.
And I think it’s a bloody waste of time to go through heartache like this. Nearly lost my job, nearly lost myself, still trying to recover my strength to love & care for others with a passion again. Of course, nothing is wasted in His ways – cos He can turn it for good. However, I think I am done – once is quite enough really. For me to lose my trust and passion and zest for life like this, me thinks once is more than enough for a few lifetimes.
I might settle for the Kate Spade Gold Coast Leighton – which is what I call “Chanel 2.55 Wannabe”. See.. even till now I am still thinking. Though last night, it felt like my search for the illusive chain-handle-diamond-padded-textured-handbag is finally over. Or I might just settle for the Chanel Reissues 2.55 – simple cos of the all-chain handle, instead of the mixed leather-chain handle of Chanel Vintage 2.55.
Can you see what I mean now? *chuckles*
My journey for the man God chooses in my life is reflected in my search for the “perfect” handbag – to last me for many years to come, with enough TLC. Takes time to locate, study and eventually decide. Even after that, there is of course the considerations of the price-tag vs how deep my pocket is. Wise words from my grandmother: Would rather stay single, than to marry the wrong guy.
However, as of now, I am too tired to embark on the search. I am just standing still. And enjoy the platonic friendships with my “big brothers” & “younger brothers” around me – respect & allow older ones to be gallant around me, and mentor & nurture the younger ones.
Just today, being rested enough over the day, I am assured once more, in my heart, that I have not heard the Almighty wrongly, nor has he. He’s the snow globe that has been violently shaken. The “snow flakes” are floating & swirling frantically. The storm is not going to let up any time soon. So I can only & will do the rational thing: allow the dust in his life to settle, in order for him to see & think clearly. It only makes sense when one can see clearly, once the snow storm has passed.
In the meantime, I am making plans, for an eventual fulfillment of a dream of starting & managing a backpacker’s inn / traveller’s rest house, where I can provide employment for locals, provide enough income for retirement, as well as host & interact with fellow journeymen whose paths I happen to cross while they rest. Deo volente (massively), they shall find eternal rest in His love as well.