There are days when life just takes a toll on me. Not that everything went wrong today per se, it’s just one of those days when I am just overwhelmed by various concerns of my life – all trying to grab my attention, all at the same time. And it feels like it’s difficult to breathe, and it’s easier to stop breathing.
It is not entirely about him. It’s just life & the many responsibilities that I sometimes take upon myself. It’ll pass, after a good amount of tears (for some reason, the toilet @ home & backseats of taxis seems to reap the best results).
Days as such, I find myself increasingly recognising the marked effect of just being in the presence of the Almighty… Of just releasing my stuckness, my inexplanable confusions, the myriad of racing thoughts about everything & anything, of the senselessness of things.
It’s a release I cannot find in chatting or seeking advice. But only in being lost in the engulfing fire of the Almighty One – both illuminating & cleansing. Where senselessness meets clarity in rest, where the inexplicabe is replaced with trust in an all-knowing God.
Sometimes, I complicate things too much. When all He requires of me is to trust His faithfulness & His everlasting love.
I guess it’s a lifelong lesson of unlearning what adulthood teaches me: having to be self-dependent.
Needing to learn to trust, like a child, and be overwhelmed, instead, by His infinite big-ness, cf the small-ness of aches of this life.
Trust (reliance, leaning onto someone’s word & character) in the Lord with all (100%) my heart,
And lean not on my own understanding (reasoning, equations, conclusions).
In all my paths (decisions, chosen paths, consequences / impact of others’ choices) acknowledge Abba,
And He will make my paths straight (sown in tears => reap with joy in due time).
-Proverbs 3:5-6 (Paraphrasing mine)