Rallying between letting go & holding on // swinging between trusting & standing still vs wondering & wandering…
Suggestions of possibilities & hope: I will let go & let the All-knowing One decide. All I know is I trust (learning to) in Your hands stirring the tides of my life towards Your insurmountable & ever-present goodness, grace & freedom.
I let go of the future to You, because I know I can trust in Your best plans, with the best thoughts of me.
I let go of the past to You, give me insights to Your wisdom on living it.
I let him go to U. Because I know there’s no point in forcing a cow into drinking from the bough when it’s not thirsty, nor realise it’s thirsty. And I understand of unrequited love – there’s really no light at end of tunnel. Harshly put: the world is moving on @ warp speed, while I live in his tenderness of the yester-years. Feels like a broken record of “Yesterday”… Lol… Pointless to wish the beautiful ripple back when it’s gone.
Today I realised that storms do pass, just as the pain does let up – when I choose to not access that part of my heart. I still tear involuntarily, I just allow myself the space to release. But increasingly, I am becoming stronger, I am becoming more aware of the current life, rather than of the past.
Today Abba reminded me through a gentle whisper: I’m not expected to act maturely in His presence, because I will always be His daughter with the touch of softness of heart He decided to add unto me, when He was thinking of my design. I will have my fair share of heart-burdens because it is part of being soft-hearted.
I also realise that I am regaining my rational mind, and I DO want to continue walking alongside people, mentoring people. But now, I have an added layer of softness reinforced with steel in the making. Heart soft enough to hurt with people & my Abba, yet strong enough to walk through the storms of life, or sometimes knowing when to standing still, in waiting upon the Almighty’s deliverance…
And today, I realise I still can’t forgive him for walking out, for leaving the knife in my heart, while I desparately fight to survive. Today I also realise, I am recognising deep heart issues because I now have been through a huge pain myself.
In due time, I will get there.
Instead of moping, I am starting to take control. I am starting to reject thoughts, I am starting to set boundaries. I am slowly fighting back.
Watch me metamorphosise….