Yesterday was a massive valley & mountain-top experience per say. Yes, both can happen on the same day – as I’ve experienced as well on the fateful day.
A mix of many factors culminating to valleys low:
– his birthday coming up: usually by this time, ideas of dinner & gift would be going through my mind, reservations would have to be made soon.
– thoughts of how he has made it quite permanent by making the decision just prior to festivities which includes the extended family.
– thoughts of how bland my life has become – where has my passions & zest for life gone to?
Text some friends to speak to the Almighty about me. Met a friend for dinner. And spoke to another through text who has been through similar stuff a few years back. Closed the night with pilates in my room.
Found myself releasing emotionally & spiritually to God, while I was doing a pilates move that requires me to curve my back & eventually leads me to a semi-prostrating position (kneeling with face & outstretched arms on ground). It was comfy on my knees with my pilates mat as protection. I felt… Vindicated, released from my constricted heart. Tears automatically rolled down whenever I knelt – though not tears of anguish but more tears of letting the Almighty take over.
I couldn’t fall asleep till around 1am last night, because I was on a tad of adrenalin. Adrenalin / endorphins which I have only felt during a good work day. I could actually see ministry possibilities, how I can spend my life productively this year, all without the moping.
An amazing state of clarity. Which I look forward to a lot more in the days to come, when I finally recover from the ache that still pulsates from time to time.
But as someone said it aptly:
U need to go deep into the valley to eventually enjoy the magnificent view on the mountaintop…
Open my eyes, Abba… Help me see… What U can draw out of this alabaster jar…