Today being the office has somewhat been tough. Not necessarily the issue of the stress level – I have gone through tougher times really. But the syndrome of the uncontrollable-tear-glands has ambushed me yet again.
Perhaps pms & feeling relatively weak due to the long-awaited visit of the mark of woman-hood. For some reason, this visit is probably my happiest occasion throughout my 36 years of existence. I know the reason actually. I was wondering if my entire physiological health has been so badly traumatised that I’m in early menopause. I found myself whispering weakened pleas with Abba: not another hit on my worth, please…
Oh yeah, I was talking about my tapless tear-glands. An occurrence which I thought has passed about a month ago. Ah.. Perhaps this is the 2nd round of pain I need to clear, after the short hiatus from the Psalmist’s version of “tears by day & night”.
By around midday, after hauling my tears in & dabbing as discreetly as possible the runaway tear drops, I decided I needed to take a walk to my “hiding place” near my office. Alas, it was occupied by the building’s cleaning aunty taking a break. Neh.. Not wanting to freak her out with my wailing though..
So next best solution: the lift. How does one hog the lift long enough to chat with the heart & the Creator? An inspiration: press buttons for all floors!
And yeah.. I managed a good 5 minutes to tear freely & pray… Which was a good release. Felt freer after.
And I realise the effect of the Ministry of Presence – just being there, quietly allowing someone to cry / release / vent / pray alongside them. Had a few occassions, which I am thankful for. Because for me, having been always the counsellor, it is not easy for me to appear weak in front of others.
I am learning, to be strong enough to be weak in front of others. Paradox? Not at all really…