Rains & Rainbows

If this is a Chinese journal, it will start something like this:
Weather – Rainy
Temperature – Chilly

Rainy days has always been soothing for me, because it reminds me of the Almighty’s faithfulness throughout my life so far. It has however recently become a much dreaded weather-occurrence as it brings a certain melancholy to my day.

I have developed a particular missing-him-during-rainy days. Perhaps because I have formed a habit while I shuttle between the neighbouring city & home, to chat with the Almighty about him, me & us. And for most of the shuttling, I’ve been accompanied by heaven’s “kisses” from the light drizzle to thundery storms. Maybe the snuggly feel of intimate thoughts of his tenderness as well..

Rainbows on the other hand always gave me hope & it was my way of asking God for visual confirmations of my decisions. Twice came rainbows when I asked Abba if I should settle for him. Once miraculously without any rains – where I seemed to hear Abba whisper in my heart that He is in control of all things, especially things out of my control. He is the Maker of the earth, the sun, the moon, and of course the covenant sign set with Noah from the ancient times.

He reminded me that with Him, all things are possible, as long as I let go to Him. And so I did let go to His leading. And tried as best I could to walk accordingly. Suggestions of considering other choices came along, I was stoic to wait for His choice already made for me.

Now that I recall, he did remind me early in our chats that he reckons I am God’s choice for him as well… Yeah.. There’s the journal entry as well… Alas, elephant memory concretised in writing. Lol…

Rainbows have eluded me for close to 2 years now. Perhaps cos the Almighty is teaching me to stop looking for visual signs, but to learn to keep in step with His leading.

But for a season, I also had to grapple with which is really His leading, and which is tainted with multiple sources. I am still clarifying for the current. But in essence, the crisis of faith is settled. I am assured I have not walked in the extremes, just perhaps not drawn enough boundaries around my heart for contingencies, especially when it involves 2 imperfect, frail & fallible homo sapeans.

Perhaps this is a process of sharpening the prophetic in me, where the soft heart needs to be softened further, yet made stronger in some ways, without losing the battle against cynicism. Somewhere deep down, the Queen Esther characteristics & the woman with multiple burdens in the Kingdom, prophesied over the years, is being honed in the furnace. I submit…

I remember a joint heartcry with another friend: We resolve to not, no matter what life throws at us, become cynical old hags when we grow old. We want to age beautifully in the grace & love of God, to bless many whom He will place in our paths…

My heart is Urs, Abba. Hide it in the shadow of Ur wings… Please.. With sugar on top…

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